A patient's experience of sexual or romantic feelings about the therapist has been called sexualized transference. The concept dates back to Freud, who posited that some patients fall in love with their therapist because of the context of psychoanalysis, not because of the actual characteristics of the therapist.
You may be surprised to know that what you are experiencing with your therapist isn't uncommon. In fact, what you are likely experiencing is a phenomenon known as ``erotic transference,'' which is when a person experiences feelings of love or fantasies of a sexual or sensual nature about his or her therapist.
Therapists generally adhere to strict ethical guidelines that prohibit romantic or sexual relationships with clients. These guidelines are in place to protect the integrity of the therapeutic relationship and to avoid any potential exploitation or harm to the client.
Doing so can cause severe damage to the mental health of the patient. Under California law, it is not just unethical; it's also illegal for therapists to have sex with patients.
The APA Code, Standard 10.08(a), states: "Psychologists do not engage in sexual intimacies with former clients/patients for at least two years after cessation or termination of therapy.” This is the first part of the 2-year rule.
Transference is what happens when you transfer the feelings you have toward or about someone else, usually a parent, onto your therapist. It's a normal and natural part of the therapeutic process and good therapists know how to recognize and work with it.
Signs of Transference in Therapy
Biases: One person irrationally dislikes the other or makes unfair assumptions. Strong emotional reactions: An individual blows up at another for seemingly no reason, implying that they have buried feelings toward another person.
Transference can sometimes be a good thing. An example of positive transference is when you apply enjoyable aspects of your past relationships to the relationship with your therapist. This can have a positive outcome because you see your therapist as caring, wise, and concerned about you.
It's normal to develop intimate feelings for your therapist. But a therapist dating their clients is unethical and, in many states, against the law. If you develop a crush on your therapist, acknowledge your feelings and talk them over with your therapist.
The bottom line
Wanting a hug from your therapist is completely normal. Human touch provides comfort and can increase feelings of trust and safety. A hug with your therapist may be beneficial if it is non-sexual and provides comfort. Hugging is not forbidden, according to the different therapist ethics codes.
If this is the case, the therapist must keep the client's emotional well-being at the core of the therapeutic process and reflect upon and process his or her feelings via therapy and supervision. The therapist may need to refer the client to another therapist.
Countertransference refers to the transference of a therapist's personal thoughts and feelings onto a client. This can be a problem, but modern psychotherapy recognizes that there are also helpful forms of countertransference.
When a client falls in love with a therapist it is likely to be 'transference': the predisposition we all have to transfer onto people in the present experiences and related emotions and unmet longings associated with people from our past.
Furthermore, the therapeutic relationship may also trigger transference, which is when a client unconsciously projects their past experiences and emotions onto their therapist. This can lead to intense emotions and a strong attachment to the therapist.
Minimize contact in their life so they are no longer the first person you go to or the first person you think about. This can look like removing them from social media, reaching out to them less, not depending on them for your romantic emotions, and reducing communications to platonic interactions only.
Spot and follow anxieties: You can manage transference by following any anxieties your client is displaying and using them to promote healing and growth. For example, if your client projects anxieties about a parental figure onto you, you might delve deeper into the wishes beneath those anxieties to facilitate healing.
Transference occurs when a person redirects their feelings from previous relationships onto their current relationship. Projection is a defence mechanism used to externalise accepted or unacceptable feelings or thoughts onto someone else or an object.
Talk to Your Therapist
If you are feeling attracted to your therapist, don't be afraid to share these feelings with them. It is not uncommon for a client to have these feelings, and the sooner they realize that you are feeling this way, they sooner they can start digging to find out the why behind it.
The American Psychological Association and American Psychiatric Association don't explicitly state that friendships with former clients or patients are unethical. Even so, they're probably not a good idea for a number of reasons. (And sexual relationships between former therapists and patients are never okay.)
Professional boundaries typically include length of a session, time of session, personal disclosure, limits regarding the use of touch, fee setting and the general tone of the professional relationship.
For example, a therapist could choose to earn $200k annually while seeing forty clients each week and taking two weeks of vacation each year.