Talk to Your Therapist If you are feeling attracted to your therapist, don't be afraid to share these feelings with them. It is not uncommon for a client to have these feelings, and the sooner they realize that you are feeling this way, they sooner they can start digging to find out the why behind it.
The answer is yes. revealing your feelings can actually become a significant turning point in your relationship. In most cases, this deepens the therapeutic work, it allows you to process things on a deeper level. Obviously, it's going to take some courage and trust for you to share this with your therapist.
You can tell that a therapist really likes you when you feel them come alive and seem to be fulfilled by interacting with you. They can flow with your emotions and respond appropriately. They laugh when something is funny, maybe even shed a tear when it's really bad.
Having a crush on your therapist is normal. Therapy is a deeply personal relationship, and sometimes this can lead to attraction. If you experience romantic feelings toward your therapist, bring up these feelings with them. Therapy is a safe space for you to talk about whatever is on your mind.
The APA Code, Standard 10.08(a), states: "Psychologists do not engage in sexual intimacies with former clients/patients for at least two years after cessation or termination of therapy.” This is the first part of the 2-year rule.
But dating your therapist is not an option. Not only can it harm you and your therapy, but it can also cause legal consequences for your counselor. If you develop a crush on your therapist, talk to them about it.
The American Psychological Association and American Psychiatric Association don't explicitly state that friendships with former clients or patients are unethical. Even so, they're probably not a good idea for a number of reasons. (And sexual relationships between former therapists and patients are never okay.)
Most of the time, not only is it okay to talk about these feelings, it can even lead to breakthroughs in therapy. Having them is often a sign that you're getting closer to your therapist and daring to share more intimately with them. Your therapist's job is to help you understand the feeling behind the fantasy.
Signs of Transference in Therapy
Biases: One person irrationally dislikes the other or makes unfair assumptions. Strong emotional reactions: An individual blows up at another for seemingly no reason, implying that they have buried feelings toward another person.
You should tell your therapist you're attracted to her and let that be part of therapy. If she suggests dating, including if she suggests you find another therapist and the two of you date, that's extremely unethical.
Acknowledge Your Feelings
First, recognize that you are not crazy or shameful for crushing on your therapist. In fact, it's so common that psychoanalytic literature actually has a term for this phenomenon: transference.
* When discussing emotionally charged topics I notice when a client's breathing pattern changes, eyes are teary or glassy, their skin tone changes, etc. * I notice whether they are leaning towards me or away from me, how their body position changes throughout the session, or at particular points.
While it's not always easy to identify, some signs of countertransference might include your therapist seeming unusually emotional about your situations, sharing too much personal information, or consistently steering conversations in a particular direction.
In the end, there isn't a huge need to ask your therapist if they like you—especially if you're making progress in therapy. Because you wouldn't be making progress if there wasn't some sort of positive connection between you. But it's actually a good thing to ask them.
Both transference and countertransference are natural in a therapeutic relationship. In many cases, they enrich the process. Transference occurs when a client projects feelings or wishes onto their therapist. The feelings may be romantic or platonic and are often related to unresolved experiences in the patient's past.
It's common to develop “feelings” of transference. For your continued healing it's best to discuss with your therapist. Your therapist is not going to be unprofessional but will talk to you & either help you process the feelings and /or refer to another therapist.
Furthermore, the therapeutic relationship may also trigger transference, which is when a client unconsciously projects their past experiences and emotions onto their therapist. This can lead to intense emotions and a strong attachment to the therapist.
A patient's experience of sexual or romantic feelings about the therapist has been called sexualized transference. The concept dates back to Freud, who posited that some patients fall in love with their therapist because of the context of psychoanalysis, not because of the actual characteristics of the therapist.
Talk to Your Therapist
If you are feeling attracted to your therapist, don't be afraid to share these feelings with them. It is not uncommon for a client to have these feelings, and the sooner they realize that you are feeling this way, they sooner they can start digging to find out the why behind it.
I recommend telling your therapist any and all feelings you have towards her. Your reactions to her are an important part of treatment. A great deal of therapeutic work happens inside the relationship between client and therapist.
So, among the very few things we would say you shouldn't tell your therapist are the chatty details of your day. Avoid the safe subjects you don't have any big feelings or deep thoughts about and the conversation topics you use to put others at ease in casual social situations.
Clients should recognize that the therapist will not reciprocate their attraction—as any romantic or sexual behavior would be a fundamental ethical breach and perhaps result in the loss of their license—but that doesn't mean it can't be discussed.
It's not uncommon for therapists to have feelings for clients, and vice versa—call it transference, countertransference, or something else. But we have to remember that it's the therapist's job to meet the client's therapeutic needs and goals, not the therapist's own personal or professional wants and needs.
Can you date your former therapist? The APA ethics guidelines prohibit sexual intimacy between therapists and clients for the duration of treatment and for five years following the end of treatment.
Can I Keep in Touch with My Therapist? Wanting to become friends with your therapist is different from wanting to keep in touch with them. While most therapists would hesitate to meet a former client for coffee, most of them welcome an occasional email, letter, or message.